Knock Off Fear

We are taught to face fear and get over it. Just do it.

On the other hand, our resources are limited. We are under-powered. Fighting fear can exhaust our resources. And fear never stops coming at us, small and big.

If you are a soldier or cop, there is no alternative. You must face fear and get through it, no matter what. It’s a chosen duty. But most of us, as civilians, face fears that are intangible, delicate, tricky, long-term, ambiguous, demoralizing, lonesome, and consuming.

Fighting this kind of fear distracts us from the essential purpose of living: loving, creating, and connecting. It’s unproductive. It’s like hitting a rock with a dozen eggs.

Logically speaking, fear has a lifespan like anything else. It disappears in time. Or our memory of fear fades. Something more attractive fills our thoughts. Luck plays its role. My point is that you don’t always have to face your fear. It’s not the only way to get over it. You have options: avoid > ignore > deny > let go.

Avoid, as much as you can and as long as you can. Run away from the fear. When you stop, it is likely to bite you. Be the front-runner. Run as fast as you can. Racing with fear leaves it always behind you. Run forward. Leave it behind.

Ignore fear totally. Don’t look at it. Absolutely don’t face it. Don’t even acknowledge the presence of it. Be oblivious of it. Pull back your attention from it and shut your awareness off.

Deny your fear. Think that you have no fear. Clearly and verbally tell yourself that you don’t have fear. Think that you don’t even have room for fear in your life. Simply deny it.

When you recognize and face fear, you give it an identity. You are giving the stranger his ID card. When you accept fear, you are inviting it into your mind, giving it a room to stay. The stranger now has legitimate room to make a mess. To kick him out of your mind would take a bloody full scale war.

You have to ask yourself, “Is it worth it?”

Fear Less Love More

Given the courage to endure the cost, love is always within our reach. Fear of losing what we love only exists as an illusion in the mind, distracting us from the love we have at this moment.

With nothing to lose, fear lessens. At that point of realization, we can start loving again. We become bold enough to indulge in doing what we love, and love whom we love.

Do I practice what I write? Not really. But I do my best to be more mindful of what is important than what is at stake.

With less desire, I fear less. Allowing less room for fear, I find more rooms for love.

On the other hand, experiencing what fear really is like strengthens my appreciation of and yearning for love. Fear of losing what I love in fact highlights the value of love and the time given. Fear of death of loved ones, for example, brings us closer. Desperately. Facing the remaining time together here reveals what is essential in life.

By being mindful of what we do here and now, we may be able to cultivate a loving heart, worrying less. It is much better than worrying more and loving less.

When I am mindful of wanting less and love what I do, I have more faith in myself, and can totally sink into my fearless zone.

Combating Distraction During Meditation

Meditation is concentration. Distraction kills meditation. Like a bad boy in class, distraction consumes most of our energy. Struggle starts when we combat distractions. It takes away the joy. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Battling deflates passion. Stopping distraction is an impossible-to-win tug of war. A war between the self we want and the self we don’t want. We are torn.

This is a problem. We becomes biased. We tend to only want what we like. So what we don’t like plays a game with us to get our attention. Distractions really distract us because we don’t like them and are bothered by them. So they succeed in harassing us.

On the other hand, concentration, like a charming quiet well-behaved sister, gracefully waits for our attention in silence. Concentration brings peace. It balances things. It’s a good thing. But pursuing peace of mind, we worry. We are not used to not worrying. We are less comfortable with being in peace. Absolute concentration lasts less than 10 seconds for humans. We self-destroy the hard earned peace of mind so quickly. In peace, soon the mind is filled with our usual business of paying bills, attending meetings, keeping others happy, fulfilling ambitions, and errands.

We are confused. We don’t know what we really want. To find what to concentrate on, some people consult with a rabbi, minister, fortune teller, friend, a  boss. Others attend seminars or read books. Still the answers are beyond reach. Because the answer is not out there somewhere, but within the self.

The problem with distractions is that the more you try to cut them out, the more they multiply. Each swing to knock one down begets another, distracting you more. Meditation becomes bounty-hunting for those outlaws, making you forget what you really should be doing. Concentration.

Meditation is both concentration and distraction. They are two sides of one coin. Concentration turns to distraction and distraction becomes concentration. Without distraction, there is nothing to concentrate on.

Stop being biased. Stop struggling. Treat both well and fair.

Remembrance of Seasons

Born as the son of a farmer, I was never a leader. I was a follower. Following the cows, pigs, chickens, and the rising sun.

At school’s ending, summer was a long vacation from rest.

At dawn, my dad used to pass by my room, making various coughing sound. Passing the front of the room he made long and loud coughs. Then, I could hear the footsteps of my dear four brothers running to the yard. Soon, in darkness, my dad and we five brothers dragged our feet to the rice field. Until sun down.

The sun was long in the field. Summers were everlasting. Strolling through the rice plants in bare feet, I used to wait for the clouds. With the clouds burnt by the sun in blue, blue like an ocean, I dreamed of swimming away. Swimming away from the burnt field. Away. Far far away.

Dark like chocolate, the midsummer sun parched my dream. My feet, swollen in the wet mud, sunk deeper and deeper as the summer got hotter.

I hated farming. I hated the sun. I would do anything to run away from it.

That was then, in Korea.

I, a born follower, after coming to America, was never allowed to follow. I became a leader. Perpetually. Beyond my dreams, I attained everything I have had ever wanted. I traveled all over the world, wrote books, presented, made movies, did research, read about myself in the media, and now I am blogging!

Under the parching summer sun, as a 9 year old boy, it was fun to follow the cows, pigs, chickens, and the rising sun. I hated the sun. But I didn’t hate it that much. I actually miss it. My dad, brothers, the sun, the burning rice field. We were followers. Following something larger, much larger than us, the world, the seasons, the clouds, the sun.

Gone are those hot days in the field. Roaming the world, I wonder if I will ever know where I will end up. Born a follower, how can I stop being a leader? Now, I want to be me. The one I knew under the parching sun. The one who hated the sun. The one who dreamed of running far far away from the rice field.

Nowhere is better than following the cows, pigs, chickens, and the rising sun.

Running is Zen In motion

I never liked running. I thought it was too physical. Exhausting rather than enjoyable. Then, my wife had an accident and went through ACL (anterior cruciate ligament) reconstruction surgery. The surgery replaced the ligament in her right knee with a graft and metal screws. She used to train Taekwondo and was good at it. After gruel rehabilitation for 6 months, she found limitations in her choice of sports.

“We should try jogging!” she said, one bright Sunday morning in the fall.

Not to betray her new-found, overdue excitement, I said, “Sure.” That’s how I got dragged in.

Knowing nothing about running, we ran for 1 minute and walked for 1 minute for 30 minutes. We ran 3 times a week. In 1 month, we could run 12 minutes, alternating with 3 minute walks. We never talked about quitting. It was painful for me to see her limping, knowing that she was an accomplished athlete. For me it was more of a sympathy run. For her, it was a battle for her dignity.

To reduce our pain and struggling, we learned about how to run correctly. We tried different breathing techniques. We changed our diets. Running slowly but surely began to change our lifestyle.

We ran through the winter. By spring, we had collected memories of the streets, brooks, changing colors of leaves, a half dozen state parks, and all sorts of passing thoughts. For the past 15 years, we have run in Hartford, Boston, New York, London, Seoul, Washington DC, Los Angeles, and wherever else we traveled. We proudly finished 2 half marathons.

I have learned to like running.

Running is moving Zen. It makes me happy. It brings problems and struggles to the surface. It gives me time to regurgitate them, chew them, spit them out. Because running in nature broadens my awareness of my inner self and the outer world, by the end, I am quite far removed from the problems and see things as they are. Office life could never do that.

Only in running, the sole of the foot meets with the soul in the mind.

8 Tips for Mindful Meditation

Daily meditation is a good investment for your mind health. But how do you make it an enjoyable event?

First, find somewhere you will not be disturbed, and sit.

Start with your own body. Being aware of your physical body is essential at the beginning and middle of meditation. The mind is hard to grasp and control. But once you are aware of the sensation of a part of your body, you are succeeding in herding your mind. So look at what’s already under your control. Your hands, for example. Open your hands wide, glance at the entire palm, and count the fingers. One, two, three, four, five... Now take look at the centers of the palms, one at a time, back and forth a few times. Then, place your hands on your lap.

Are you comfortable? If not, move around your body and stretch the back. Then erect your upper body so that your spine and neck are aligned vertically. It helps the shoulders and the arms relax. If you are still not comfortable, identify the part of your body that causes discomfort. Move your body around, forward and backward, and find the right posture for you. Check to see if putting a cushion or pillow under or behind you would help.

When you’re ready to begin meditation, these tips can help:

1. Take a deep breath a few times. Expanding your lungs has a calming effect. It provides more oxygen to the brain and body, and keeps the brain fresh.

2. Use the posture that you like. Familiarity lessens distraction.

3. Set a time limit. If one minute is all you have, just do it for one minute. Be flexible to take advantage of any available time and space that fits your situation and feelings.

4. Sit still. Make sure you do meditation, not a battle. If it becomes a battle, cut it short. Have multiple breaks. You don’t have to be a master meditator from day 3. Be realistic. Be generous to yourself. Take as many breaks as you need. And enjoy the moment of meditation fully, even if it is just for 30 seconds.

5. Walk around during the breaks. Stay away from the meditation spot. Stop thinking about meditation. Shift your attention to new things that you see, hear, smell. Is there a new thought popping up in your mind? Pay attention to it. Is there any new sensation in your body? Pay attention to it. You don’t have to try to figure them out. Pay attention to them, but don’t engage with them. Rather, find the mind that detects them. Discover the mind that senses what you think and feel, from the start.

6. Trust your own feelings from your body. Be mindful of your breath! Breath control is the key to regulate the body’s response to your feelings. Thoughts may fleet from one moment to another. No matter how uncomfortable your sitting may be, your thoughts can escape but the body can’t. Your body is the ultimate judge of where you stand. When you ride on the flow of your feelings of the body, you have already contained your mind. If not, you are battling.

7. Look inside of the mind which feels your discomforts and struggles. You become the observer of your own mind from a distance.

8. Look outward from the inside of the mind and examine you. Who are you? Who is the one who looks into your mind? Where are you from? Where are you going to? Is it you who looks into your mind, or is it someone else that you think you are? Or, are they the same? Or, doesn't it matter? Try to look inside out and outside in to see how you really feel and think.

5 Step Mindful Meditation

The purpose of meditation is to find the true nature of self. We can do it by emptying out what is not real in us, by discovering what is our real self as much as we can, by feeling the attainment of that real self, and finally by letting go of all-real or not real. Each time we meditate, we renew ourselves. We get a little bit closer to the true nature of ourselves. Meditation is intriguingly dynamic. It is a series of infinite waves. Like surfing, once you learn and discover your ways of floating on the waves, you can ride as far and deeply as you can.

A good set-up at the beginning is important in meditation. Like traveling, meditation needs direction before starting your car. Randomly taking off can lead to disaster for a beginner. It can turn into a physical pain and mental torture, sitting in an uncomfortable posture for minutes.

Having a goal, however, can alleviate the burden and make the journey purposeful, meaningful, and even joyful. Counter-intuitively, have a goal to set your mind free.

But the nature of the mind seems to need to be shackled to be set free. If not, it may bore you to sleep or run away or quit. Here are my thoughts about entertaining your mind to keep it mindful of being mindful. You may customize my suggestions for yourself as you journey.

1. Observing

When I meditate, I keep myself casual. Initially. Nothing particular in mind. I relax my attention. Just like watching waves rushing in and retreating from the shore. As this watching continues for a few minutes, my attention gradually finds its way to a certain element or force or energy.

This is when I draw an imaginary circle in my mind. This, I found, depends on the status the mind in the moment. The size, color, shape of the circle often are different. I pay no special attention to forms. Just being aware of everything. Not ignoring is the key!

Then, I make an entering gate at the top of the circle and an exit at the bottom. I just sit with my legs crossed and watch the gate. Soon many thoughts try to enter from all different directions but I intentionally guide one thought at a time to enter the gate. I am in no hurry. Taking time, watching the thought enter, wandering in the circle. When I see it exit, I allow the next guest to enter and repeat the practice.

I am often tempted to look somewhere else, finding many thoughts about my mind, seeing who's entering. Thoughts feelings worries ideas foods friends work regrets weddings letters blogs rain shoestring guitar birds...I see hear smell taste...

All look special. Everything appears to need my particular attention. Overwhelming!

2. Recognizing Evenly

When thoughts enter my awareness, I number them. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1 2 3 4 5 6 7...

Reflection in meditation reveals many layers inside. Peace resides between layers of troubling thoughts

I am a human so everything I see, hear, smell, touch, have some attachments to my memories and feelings and opinions. Some thoughts and feelings are so particular that they draw attention toward bias. They often throw my balance off. So I try to give everything the same importance or non-importance. Acknowledging everything equally keeps my mind at even levels and detached. Soon, none become special, all look the same. Acknowledging this is the key!

3. Being Aware of the Observing Mind

Now that things that are in my mind are not so special, I can be aware of them without bias. I can see them as they are without emotional attachment. It requires much less mental effort. My brain calms down. The muscles relax. I pay attention to breathing. At breathing in, I observe my breathing self. At breathing out, I observe the self who observes the breathing. It is this observing mind that I truly observe!

4. Taking Hold of the Experiencing Mind

I see what I see now from renewed perspectives. No attachment. No bias. No worry. No fear. So I allow myself to stay in this moment as long as I want. When I get disconnected, I return to #1. Start over again. I focus on my breath. A few long slow deep breaths take me back on track. It gets easier after a few months of practice. At this stage, I can experience what my mind is experiencing. It is a tranquil awareness of my renewed self. It makes me feel light and jubilant. Profound.

5. Let go

After taking hold of my light self, I reflect on what I go through from the new self. Its like seeing myself within myself. Many things that I did not understand in the past suddenly have some light shining on. Making sense of things help me be in peace. Then, the things I discovered gradually drop off. Like waves at the shore, new experiences enter. I let things go.

Partially I want to complete my mindful meditation with a positive ending; and partially because I want to leave what I have experienced right there and start fresh next time. After this emptying meditation, much more space is made in me. That was the way it was to begin with after all.

Homecoming! A void above the horizon that lures me in again.

Interpreting the Chinese Characters for Mind and Breath

The mind-breath relationship has been my interest for a long time for two reasons.

One fascinating reason is the myth of the whereabouts of the mind. For example, the Mind character in Chinese (see the graphic below) overlaps with the character for the Heart (Xin in Chinese, Sin in Japanese, Shim in Korean).

It is both confusing or comprehensive in meaning. It may mean that the mind is in the heart; that the mind and the heart are one; or that they are separate but directly connected.

In the west, we think differently. The heart is in the cavity of the chest and the mind is somewhere in the brain. Yet many believe that the heart has something to do with the mind and they are not separate. Recent studies back it up. Researchers found 'the gut brain' in the body. Some call it 'the second brain'. It functions just like the brain. Not surprisingly, it is located in the Solar Plexus, in the heart region, directly communicating with the brain via the vagus nerve, the longest nerve connecting the brain to the organs. It sends signals from the 'gut brain' to the brain.

Thinking of the gut brain, I frequently find myself basing my decisions not on the logic from the brain in my skull but 'my gut feeling’ that comes from the second brain. Through it, I can sense much more about what is not shown and told. I can feel unsung notes and unsaid sadness. It's less artificial, more direct, organic, and forceful.

Another reason for my intrigue is again linguistic. The Chinese characters of the mind and the breath share a common base character: the mind. The graphic on the right illustrates this. From the top, the characters mean One, Mind, One, Breath. Do you recognize the Mind character as the bottom part of the Breath character?

When I break down the Breath character into two pieces, I have a nose and a mind (see the graphic below left). It may mean that the nose is on top of the heart; that the nose has a heart; or that the nose is the heart in the head. My last interpretation is that breath links the nose to the heart.

What intrigues me more is the physiology of the nose. When we breathe through the nose, it triggers relaxation. It relaxes blood vessels, increases blood flow to the brain, and relaxes  the entire body. Even in one breath.

Why? Because nitrogen oxide (NO) is abundant in the cavities in our nose, the walls of blood vessels relax.

How does it happen?

NO is known for vasodilation, widening blood vessels. When we breathe in through the nose, NO is activated in the nose and enters the lungs. As the blood vessels in the lungs stretch, the heart has abundant supply of fresh blood. The nose is the most powerful augmenting device for the heart. It really does its job as the nose-heart. Deep breathing through your nose is a great way to experience this.

One Mind One Breath is a small step to enlighten my heart (mind) by breath. At the base, breath rules. Grab the nose with your fingers for a moment. The heart aches. The mind panics. Take a deep breath, they share the same character of the mind. The mind that underpins and encompasses all.

One Mind One Breath

Connection

Without the mind being present, breathing is simply a mechanical movement of the body. What makes our breathing meaningful is the mind that is injected into our physical being through each breath.

A breath is life force. It fills the body with fresh energy and connects the body with the mind. Together, they are: joyful, connected, balanced, focused, confident, functioning, caring, healthy.

Separation

When the mind is ahead or behind the breath, it splits from the breath, leaving the body alone.

The mind and the body are one originally in childhood.

As we grow into adulthood, they begin to separate. We compare ourselves to others who appear to be better than us. As a result, the mind and the body begin to have disputes. In an effort to reunite them, we take actions, seeking to meet internal and external expectations.

In the process, one becomes dominant over the other in our lives leading us to imbalance. The mind drifts; the body is left alone, overworked and lost. Under continued stress or lack of stimulation, the mind has a tendency to escape from reality. Along the way, the mind gets antsy: drifts back to the past regurgitating what’s passed and rushes forward to see what’s coming next. Uncertain and insecure.

Solution

Deep breathing is like a rescue worker who comes to you and helps you relax in panic. When you panic, your body is stuck here in reality but the mind runs away. Breathing brings your consciousness back to your body.

Each breath is a mediator between the body and the mind, drawing them closer together. By having the breath arrest the mind, the mind stays with the body. Dancing in the breath, the body grasps the mind and the mind mingles with the body.

Paradox of Mindfulness

Being mindful isn't intended to mean being vigilant at all times. Indeed, quite the opposite is true. The ultimate experience of being mindful occurs when we forget about everything, even the mindful self and doing. A paradox it is that to be mindful one must not try to be mindful, and to not be mindful, one must be mindful.

Can we cut it short? The answer is yes. We can skip the mindful thing. How? By just doing what we like to do when we feel like doing it in the way we feel the best. No thought, no mind. It's a vacation of the mind so to speak. You kick the mindful thing out of the equation from the start.

Total physical immersion with mental emptiness. Just doing.

For most of us, this is quite a challenge. As in a rock climbing we use a niche or a thing to place a foot or finger in to grasp, we need somewhere tangible to place our mind. Something to think about or focus on keeps us oriented. It anchors the mind to a specific moment in time preventing it from fleeting. It keeps our awareness contained within our body so that the body does not do things randomly.

Once the mind is contained, the body can fly.